How To Be An Active Listener
Active listening can be difficult. Living in a distracted society leads to distracted conversation. We have a hard time slowing down, even for other people. We have been taught to always be busy and so there is always something on our mind or something to do. Any extra time between is typically spent on our phones or some other screen. With all this busyness, we can forget about the people around us and the conversations in front of us. This is the opposite of mindful living and can be detrimental to our relationships.
Active listening requires the listener to fully concentrate, understand, and respond to what the other person is saying. As humans, we crave this type of genuine connection. That is why therapy can be so beneficial; part of a therapist’s job is to be an active listener. By incorporating active listening into our daily conversations, we can deepen our connections with people and greatly improve our relationships with others. Here are some tips to improve your active listening skills:
Stop thinking about what you are going to say next
Often times when someone else is speaking, we are in our heads thinking about what we are going to say next. This prevents us from fulling hearing what the person is saying. We cannot effectively do both. By giving your full attention to what is being said, it will actually be easier to respond. This is because you are actually receiving the full message rather than responding based on just the partial information that you did manage to catch.
Show your interest by using body language
Not only is it important to give your full attention to the person who is speaking to you, but it is also important to show them that you are listening. That way they feel understood and that they are not having a one sided conversation. There are many ways to do this with body language. Maintain eye contact and nod your head occasionally. Use your facial expression to respond to what they are saying so that they know you are listening. Make sure that your posture is facing them, as angling away from someone indicates that you are not interested or trying to exit the conversation.
Ask questions and provide feedback
By asking questions, you provide the speaker with confirmation that you are listening and you also allow them to go into further detail which gives you even more information to engage with. Let the person know you are listening by giving verbal cues such as “uh huh,” “yeah/yes,” “okay,” etc. Offer your own thoughts and be both honest and respectful.
Don’t interrupt
You will have your turn to speak. Allow the person talking to finish and don’t speak over them. This gives the message that you don’t care about that person or what they have to say. If you disagree with what they are saying, you should still hear them out as they might offer more reasoning that will allow you to understand their point of view. Don’t offer a counter argument until after you understand where the other person is coming from.
Be mindful and give your full attention
Put away your phone when you are having a conversation and reduce any distractions. Give your full focus to the person that is speaking and tune out of your own internal dialogue. Try not to let your mind wander off or day dream. Active listening is also a mindfulness practice, as it requires you to focus on the present moment and be fully engaged.