Shifting to Self-Compassion
Self-compassion is extending compassion to one's self in instances of perceived inadequacy, failure, or general suffering.
We are all imperfect. We all have our flaws, our struggles, and our weaknesses. We all know this on an intellectual level, but somehow there is still a part of us that struggles to accept it. There is a part of us that criticizes every mistake we make, every show of weakness, and every moment of vulnerability. We are in a society that pretends to be perfect and wishes for no one to see our flaws. This leads to unreasonable expectations of ourselves which opens up the door to critical self-talk and judgement. We judge ourselves for being imperfect and for not meeting our often unattainable expectations. These judgements come even harder when there is depression or anxiety involved.
The phrase “you are your own worst critic” is usually true. Whatever judgment someone else may have about us, we have likely already given to ourselves. Many of our insecurities revolve around being “found out.” This is terrifying for our ego which is working so hard to make us look like we are flawless and have it all together.
So how do we solve this problem? The answer is to shift from judgment to self-compassion. Just like we don’t expect others to be perfect, we need to stop judging ourselves for falling short of perfection as well. We have to stop trying to compete with everyone else and this means putting an end to the comparison game. Begin a journey towards self-love and you will begin to realize that you CAN accept yourself for exactly who you are. Flaws and all.
Here are some simple steps to start shifting your mindset from judgment to self-compassion:
Accept that you are imperfect and give yourself permission to make mistakes.
Treat yourself as you would a friend. Remember, you accept your friends even with their flaws.
Try giving yourself positive affirmations until you truly start to believe it.
Practice separating yourself from the critical voice in your head instead of internalizing what it tells you.
Use mindfulness to help you let go of judgment and instead cultivate the “observing self.”
Catch yourself every time you have a critical thought about yourself and instead replace it with a more compassionate thought.
Surround yourself by people who build you up rather than tear you down.
Work with a therapist to target your negative automatic thoughts.
Each time you make a mistake, think of it as a learning experience rather than simply “more” evidence of incompetence.
Stop comparing yourself to others and remember that absolutely no one is perfect.